Wow! I made it.
I actually kept my promise to myself. At the beginning of 2017, I told myself that I would be Alcohol-Free at the age of 30. I was tired of the binge drinking and unplanned, downward spirals. It was not fun. On the outside, I looked fine. I was beautiful and thriving. However, on the inside, I had social anxiety and no desire to face people without a drink in my system. I was tired of how I was living, but I couldn’t stop drinking. I broke a promise to myself when I turned 30 – I didn’t get sober. I broke the same promise the following year and the year after that. But something different happened this year.
On Sunday, March 15, 2020, I became sick. I was at an unhealthy weight (67kg at 1,57m) and was experiencing all sorts of pain despite being cleared for PCOS, endometriosis, and fibroids. The doctors couldn’t tell what was wrong yet I felt like I was dying. Something had to change. Not only was I tired of the physical pain, but I was also tired of arguing with my partner about my health and lack of self-love. I was tired of wondering if this was the life I would always live. I was tired of the lies I told myself that said I could handle my liquor. It was “do or die” for me and I had to accept that if I didn’t stop drinking I would end up in jail, a hospital, or in a grave. I didn’t want that for myself.
My 33rd birthday was on August 30, 2020, and I am thankful that I kept my promise to myself this time around. I am sober and had restored my health. I found the courage and the strength to recreate myself and become something I had never been before. Below are some changes that I experienced in my first 169 days of living Alcohol-Free:
• I lost 7kg with little effort.
• I saved money and could finally afford to do nice things for myself.
• I had less drama in my life.
• I started exercising again and I ACTUALLY ENJOYED IT.
• My appetite had become more stable – I craved healthier foods.
• Although I am still working on improving my mental health, my mood swings became more bearable.
• My decision-making skills improved. I focus on my happiness before I focus on the happiness of others.
• I began to value my time more.
• My creativity, courage, and faith multiplied, and my imposter syndrome dwindled.
• I became more authentic. I’m proud of the person who enters and leaves the room.
• I’ve let go of the dead weight.
• I’ve gained self-acceptance and am now in control of my destiny. I am the hope I’ve been waiting for – Tsholofelo e ntle, ya nnete (a beautiful hope that is real).
Sobriety has made me feel like a superhero. I am now able to move through mountains. Who would’ve thought that for my 33rd birthday I would host a bomb-ass little tea party with non-alcoholic champagne (yes, the 0,0% kind) AND enjoy it? I no longer have to drink myself to oblivion to have fun or to pass time. I now enjoy my solitude and the people around me.
In a few months, I will be eight (8) months sober- a mountain I never thought I would be able to move through. On the day of my tea party, I wore a dress that belonged to my mother. She hadn’t worn it in over 20 years. I felt like a warrior queen in it because she is truly the most powerful person I know. She never needed alcohol to get her through this thing we call life. She is one of my biggest inspirations. She is a fire and I hope she is proud of my flame.
There is a saying that keeps me going by Emperor Haile Selassie. It reads; “we must become bigger than we have been: more courageous, greater in spirit, larger in outlook” and that is exactly what I did and will continue to do.
I am finally Alcohol-Free!
My 33rd birthday was a happy birthday indeed.
