October 29, 2023
by Khadi A. Oluwatoyin
When we decide to stop drinking and or using drugs, I believe we have a responsibility, at some point, to discover (or for some of us, rediscover) our passions and desires. The things and activities that get us excited, glowing like a jack o’lantern on Halloween night.
Though it may feel like it at first, sobriety isn’t a punishment. Yes, some of us may have done terrible things while drinking and or using, which may have led us to make the decision to get sober. But as we gain clarity through time and begin to heal through works of self-improvement (i.e., therapy, spiritual practice, etc.), we eventually realize that sobriety isn’t a punishment. For many of us, it is a second chance. A do over to live our lives in the present and engage in practices, routines and rituals that empower who we authentically are.
Within the last two years or so, I have rediscovered my passion for dressing up. I wouldn’t call myself a fashionista or anything of the sort, but I love the ritual of putting makeup on in the morning. I look through Pinterest for different inspirations but typically stick with a soft glam or no makeup look. After that, I put together an outfit that matches my mood for the day. Most recently, I have been sporting lots of active wear. I am hardly ever in the gym or doing anything sporty but that doesn’t mean I can’t dress like I do! I also love applying makeup and getting dressed like we did in the 90s and early 2000s. Butterfly hair clips, brown lip liners with clear lip glosses and faux fur coats – I’ll take them all, please!
My excitement about clothes and makeup has made me appreciate Halloween in recent years. We can dress up in any way we want and to any extent. We get to let our creativity shine and transform us into whoever or whatever we desire.
I often hear people practicing sobriety express their dislike for Halloween because they feel it is a trigger for them. But when they dive into further detail, it is clear that the drinking and partying associated with Halloween are the triggers, not the holiday itself. While Halloween may look and mean something different to everyone, I believe that dressing up and embodying someone or something other than yourself is its essence. You don’t have to leave your house to participate. You can dress up, invite a few friends over and enjoy some alcohol-free beverages and snacks or you can dress up and watch some of your favorite horror flicks alone.
I will go a step further and say that I believe that dressing up for Halloween can be an opportunity to engage in a form of healthy escapism – especially for those in early sobriety. Sobriety early on can be tough, filled with uncertainty and constant focus on avoiding temptations. Dressing up lets you channel your energy into something positive and creative. Even if only for a few hours, you can allow your imagination (and the possibilities) to run wild.
Celebrating Halloween is also a great way to rediscover yourself. Choose a costume that speaks to your interests, aspirations, or even a version of yourself you admire. It might empower you.
Need more reasons to dress up this Halloween? Well I have another!
Dressing up for Halloween can be an act of re-parenting your inner child. It’s especially true if you wanted to put on a costume when you were younger, but couldn’t because of financial, social, cultural, or religious restrictions. Halloween can be an opportunity to reconnect with childlike wonder and joy. It’s a chance to rewrite the narrative, to experience the fun and creativity that might have been neglected in childhood and dealt with by substances as we got older. When we tap into our inner child’s need for play, imagination, and freedom, dressing up and celebrating becomes a transformative act.
If you’ve read this far and are planning on dressing up this Halloween, shout out to you! We deserve to have fun and participate in the magic even when celebrating in our homes. If you are celebrating Halloween outside, it is important to do so safely, and take appropriate measures to protect your sobriety and well-being.
Plan Ahead: Before Halloween festivities begin, make a plan. Look for alcohol-free or alternative parties, attend with a reliable friend, and pick a time to leave.
Lean on Your Support Network: Don’t hesitate to reach out to your support network, whether that’s a sponsor, mentor, therapist, trusted family member or friend. Be sure to let them know you’re celebrating Halloween and may need their guidance and encouragement throughout the day.
Be intentional: Steer clear of events or people that could jeopardize your sobriety.
Embrace Non-Alcoholic Alternatives and Eat the Candy: Enjoy the spirit of Halloween by indulging in non-alcoholic beverages and treats. I know that we can sometimes get caught up in calorie counting but can we let our hair down and enjoy sweets even if just for a day? By the way, this is not medical advice. Consult your doctor.
Be Mindful of Your Feelings: If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or stressed, you can take a moment to step away and practice deep breathing or meditation or you can just head home. Don’t feel pressured by internal or external factors.In the words of my mother (and most mothers everywhere),”when it’s time to go, it’s time to go!”.
—
Did you know? Sober Black Girls Club is hosting a virtual 5K! Walk, run, or jog, outdoors or indoors, anytime on Giving Tuesday, November 28th, 2023 for 3.1 miles. Register here!
Did you enjoy this post? Please consider donating to the Club. Your support helps provide connection, support, and empowerment to Black girls, women, and gender-expansive folks practicing sobriety, in recovery, or considering it. All contributions are tax-deductible. https://soberblackgirlsclub.com/donations/
