October 24, 2022
by Khadi A. Oluwatoyin
Once upon a time, before Covid-19 came about and changed how we interacted with one another forever, I would attend in-person recovery meetings and find myself drinking at neighboring bars immediately after.
I would attend these meetings as a commitment to my recovery. I typically started my mornings with a simple affirmation, “today, I will remain sober.” Then I would read a daily reflection, take five to ten deep breaths, and try to get body movements in before I started work. When my work day was complete, I would walk to a nearby meeting with the hope of forming relationships and strengthening my recovery. However, that was not always the result.
Due to no fault of the hosts or attendees, I would sometimes leave these meetings feeling overwhelmed, angry, and lonely. Unbeknownst to me, my coping mechanism of choice, at the time, was still booze. So, after listening for an hour to what was supposed to be received as “experience, strength, and hope”, I would find myself at the back of a bar trying to escape the feelings accumulated earlier at the meeting.
Shares from people with years in recovery talking about the material possessions they had acquired due to their sobriety left a bitter taste in my mouth. Truthfully, I wanted what they had – a 401k, Jeep Wrangler, and a big house to call home, but when you are on your “day 1” for the millionth time, the idea of having years of sobriety and living my ideal life felt imaginary.
Listening to shares from people talking about their families and the support received from them would also send me into a frenzy – feeling heartbroken and betrayed. “OMG, your family acknowledges your addiction and supports your recovery? Must be nice. Real nice”, I would say in my head. I guess whoever wrote, “comparison is the thief of joy” knew what they were talking about. At that time, I didn’t have lots of joy; however, whatever little joy I walked into the meeting with did not walk out with me.
On a different note, there were some days when I attended recovery meetings that felt very aligned and fulfilling. I would linger around, usually the last person to leave, so that I could hold on to the feel-good feelings a little bit longer. I didn’t know how long it would be until we would meet again, and I knew I wouldn’t find them at home so I sought them in a familiar place – a bar.
Looking back, I was in a fragile, delicate place when I attended those in-person meetings. I needed more support than I thought. I had pretty much lost everything and everyone that meant something to me, and my brain was healing itself from years of drinking. I didn’t understand my emotions and thoughts as I do now. Everything felt exacerbated and like a matter of life and death.
Below is a list I put together of practices that I wish I would have used in the early stages of my recovery and that may be able to improve your in-person and online meeting experience. Recovery meetings might not be for everyone, but I suggest attending a couple to determine if they can be helpful.
Journal
If you generally struggle with your emotions after a meeting, take five to ten minutes before it begins to put your thoughts and feelings on paper. Writing down our thoughts and feelings helps us understand them more clearly. Is there something you are holding on to? Do you feel safe releasing it in this meeting? Do you need advice or someone to talk to when the meeting is over? To be clear, you shouldn’t be journaling before a meeting to control your every thought and word. Perfectionism isn’t the purpose. The purpose of journaling before a meeting is to diminish any anxieties or less desirable feelings you may be experiencing so that you can be clear and honest about your needs.
Likewise, it may be helpful to journal after a meeting. This may help you relinquish any emotional residue you left the meeting with, make sense of the shares you listened to, and it might even help you create solutions you didn’t think of before.
Eat. Hydrate. Rest. Repeat.
If possible, attend meetings feeling rested, fed, and hydrated. You will be more at ease and open for the following hour.
Phone a Friend
Explain your experiences with meetings to a friend. Ask them if they are available to talk after meetings if need be. Make sure to give them an estimated time.
Practice An After-Meeting Self Care Ritual
Have a snack or meal waiting for you at home. Run a warm bath and put on your favorite rom-com. Prioritizing emotional and mental health is paramount for folks in recovery. Practicing a self-care ritual after a meeting is an excellent way to do so.
Speak Up for Yourself
You may find advocating for yourself uncomfortable, but it is vital to our recovery. Share your experiences attending meetings with hosts or other attendees. Tell them that you would like additional support. If you frequent in-person meetings, carpooling home might be a great idea. This way, you can avoid any temptations and debrief if need be. Asking someone to check in with you an hour or two after a meeting is another great idea if you value accountability. The solutions are endless, but you must speak up.
Attending recovery meetings can feel daunting and overwhelming for several reasons, but ultimately I believe the pros outweigh the cons. They are a great way to connect with others and build community, and in my opinion, that is the best part of recovery.
Need a meeting? Check out our meeting list here.
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